Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
