she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
