I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
