You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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