Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
