I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
