I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
