Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
