i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize