does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
