you would pick up someone in the library
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
