I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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