took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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