cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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