I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize