he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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