Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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