I just made out with a guy for $7.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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