Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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