i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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