I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
