I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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