Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
