I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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