I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
