i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
