Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize