My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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