I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
