Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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