I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
