The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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