I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
