I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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