So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my shit smells like andre
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
