Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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