everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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