Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just had sex bonerless
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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