Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize