If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
