i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
