Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize