Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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