A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i think my cat just said my name.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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