im having a threesome with these popsicles
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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