I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
