I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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