is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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