i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
