I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
