The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
