So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
