I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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