I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
