i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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