so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
