I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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