is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
