summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
