I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
