I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just gargled with NyQuil
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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