he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
