Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
