Ketchup is God's man juice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
