A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
