Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
