JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
