I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
