please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
