i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
