I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
