In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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