i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
